It is so weird, but Jeremy and I are in this season of life where I feel I have to write down everything I want to say to him. It is like a "to do" list but a "to talk about" list. And even though I may begin going down my list when we get a minute, most the time the topic doesn't finish and then it remains on my list for three more days. Kids, kids, kids are so demanding (I need more water, I need help with my shoes, Stop messing with your sister) I am finding we can't finish a topic of conversation. What ever happened to my life won't be that way?
The other day I find myself getting upset over the littlest things Andrew is doing. Why am I so upset over this? I never was going to yell or use phrases like "because I said so" or "I don't care, you do what I say."
Since I became an adult around my friends who had kids (you know when you are the only one who hasn't begun that season) I use to wonder why aren't they taking care of themselves? Why can't they just throw on a little make up, why haven't they washed their hair, or why are they gaining weight - they're just letting themselves go! It is straight up work to maintain yourself as well as your house and your kids. I find myself on a daily basis wondering if it would be easier to just go back to work. I am now in that season of understanding and I want to apologize to all those moms who I had bad thoughts about. I drag my getting bigger butt (because I am always running with my kids and eatting fast food) out of bed at 6:30 in the morning just to look presentable. I am gaining weight like crazy and now at 33 it is not coming off as easy (went back to the gym this week and began dieting - I gained 3.5 pounds!)
Since I am a control freak. I am trying not to loose my mind! That I don't have the perfect house with everything in its place, my car looks like I live in it, and my Christmas tree is only half done because I am too exhausted to put more ornaments on it because I keep finding the ones already on it around the house. I am busting out of my clothes because I am not buying new ones. All things that I was going to be in control of, but I am too tired.
I am getting close to freaking out! But I have to keep perspective - one day my house will have everything in its place and my car won't have snacks and car seats in it, and my Christmas tree will dazzle with color and I will be thin! And last but not least, Jeremy and I will be able to have a full conversation at dinner or when he walks in the door. But that will be a sad day because that will mean my babies are gone and all grown up! So lets live in the moment and enjoy all those little annoying uncontrolable things that are so bittersweet!
Ok, ok, ok!! Let's try blogging again!
9 years ago
